Life of an Unwhole Child

I grew up without a father figure. My mom was my role model, even though she was depressed. When I was younger, I was in private school in first to sixth grade. Sixth grade was a horrifying time for me. My classmates always started rumors about me and made fun of me, I also was getting harassed. I then thought about suicide. I was planning it and one day i got on Skype updated my status saying goodbye cruel world. I turned off my laptop but instead of going through the plan I fell asleep. The next day at school a friend of mine went to the counsolers and i was called down. They asked me what was going on and i straight up lied to them and my mom. I then convinced my mom to not send me to the hospital or to a therapist. The little incident went out and new nickname was emo (my name). After the school year i was transferred into public school. I was getting along with everyone in seventh grade but people from my old school found out where i was going and started a rumor that i was expelled for watching porn at school. I then became more depressed and started cutting, suicide was always on my mind. When I used to cut, my dog (who still is alive) used to lick my blood and scars when i was depressed. The next school year came around, 8th grade. I met a lot of new people and became something i wasn't. I felt like no guy was gonna like me for me so i did whatever i could to get attention from one. I met one boy and gave him my number. He talked me into being friends with benefits with him and into sending pictures. I sent him a nude and everyone in my grade saw in at school and said a lot of mean things to me. The teachers heard about it and the police got involved. they couldnt do anything about it without charging me with a felony. So he got away with exposing me. December came. I started talking to a familiar face who was almost 6 years older than me. He came to my house bringing me food and i had to sneak out to go see him and grab the food. We used to chill in his car late sunday nights then one night he kissed me. I thought it was great until the next sunday. We made out and then he sexually assaulted me in his car in front of my house. Early monday morning my mom took me to the police when she found out what exactly happened. That haunts me all the time.. A few months later new rumors came up about me. My peers pushed me to the edge. I took my friends scissors and ran into the bathroom. I tried to commit but failed when a classmate chased after me and we got into a screaming battle of closing the bathroom stall. A staff member heard the argument and i was sent home. I wasn't allowed back at school until i saw someone. I went to a Rodgers Memorial Hospital for outpatient care. I was then diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and PTSD. March 7th I started my journey of not cutting. Fast forwarding to the present. It is my sophomore year in high school. I was doing great then October 7th. I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis just a couple weeks from my birthday. I was in a wheelchair for 4 months and I was dumb founded. I thought I was getting my life together. I was depressed again and continued seeing my therapist. I continue my battles everyday and with me not giving up I am 2 years free from self harm. I feel helpless at time but life continues on. People might not understand what i am going through. They may judge. But their opinions do not matter. I believe in myself. To anyone who is reading this, life does get better. No matter what you go through. You have your ups and your downs, but they are not forever. Even having a chronic disease will not stop me or you from becoming successful in the future.

 

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